A peep in

Ladies and gentlemen, a startling discovery has warranted this short posting.

My macho angmoh boyfriend, who happens to be slightly chauvinistic and believes that certain chores are woman's work - yes, he is indeed one of those, although I argue obstinately and constantly with him about it - is actually a Singaporean teenage girl at heart!

He has fallen madly in love with Korean soaps and is currently strongly addicted to Love Story in Harvard which is broadcasting once a week on VV Drama. Actually, I must say in all fairness that I, too, enjoy those sappy dramas. I especially love it when they really wring my heart and make me cry.

I think I should introduce him to Winter Sonata, which is the second Korean drama I ever watched and which I think is one of the most heartwrenching and therefore is still one of my faves.

This might be an exciting new way of bonding for us.

New friends and old

After I began work - incidentally, it's making me appreciate sleep so much more - I suddenly have a whole bunch of new friends and it's so exciting. I don't mean just those people where you say hi and bye and chitchat with in the workplace. I mean people whom you actually hang out with outside of work and laugh crazily with about idiotic things.

Some background: we began work with training and in my class, there are 11 of us. We're rather a clique-ish bunch though we pretty much get along really really well with each other, with the exception of our class outcast, whom we've nicknamed Boingboing (hereafter shortened to Boings!). There's one in every class I guess...I do feel for him, but on the flip side, I must say I think his behaviour is pretty much "asking for it". He's really mean and molester-y (when drunk) and he has this nasty habit of tale-telling.

Anyway, my base clique is known as the naughties. I don't believe we're really that naughty but certainly we're the noisier bunch, prone to laughing and giggling crazily and making dumb jokes. The main naughties are 4: me, Els, T and the D.O.M. We drink quite a bit too, when we go out, although no one can beat T. That girl must have like two stomachs - one for alcohol and one for food.

And then we have the extended clique: the main naughties, plus WaferMan (who gets 10-min muscles when he eats chocolate wafer biscuits!) and TiuTiu (aka Ah Beng).

Then we have the Quiet Girls 3: Ur, I and Ju. Then there's all-inclusive gentleman, Jer. He just goes around with every clique and fits in well and is friendly with every clique.

Of course, depending on how each day goes, sometimes one person detaches from one clique to spend some time with another clique etc but pretty much this is the sitch.

The main naughties are the closest, I believe, with the extended naughties a close second. We gossip, chat and play together and club and go out and generally have fun together quite a lot a lot! They're so much fun. I do understand that we haven't met any truly nasty situations that we must face together, but I think we pretty much understand one another.

Oddly enough, after I started working and going out like crazy because the main and extended clique are hanging out so much - I told you we were close!or getting there at any rate - I met like quite a number of people I haven't seen in ages.

Like just yesterday, I met Circle, who was this guy I knew from my old workplace and who is now working for a mobile phone service provider and is now in the army. We had the potential to be good friends I think, but never got the chance to hang together, but now it seems we can start on being friends.

That old cliche must be true. When you smile at the world, the world smiles back and like does attract like - when you have an active social life (rather suddenly), you attract more friends. Wonder if this works for money too...

I'm meeting some old friends quite a bit too. Neri I've seen quite a lot and also I've spoken to Mits quite a fair bit (our contact has been sort of erratic since she began work).

Wish I could say the same for Princess Flowerbloom and Fai. One has been living out of a suitcase for like two or three weeks now, and the other has gone Down Under to attend a sister's graduation ceremony. They both won't be back until after my short vacation, which is liek really terrible because I hate squeezing our time together. I really miss both of them, since I haven't seen them in soooo long.

New friends are exciting, but old friends are an anchor: they remind you of who you were and how you became who you are and they also laugh crazily with you about stupid things. And if you're really friends, it's always exciting to meet them.

I really want to see them. Come back soon. Sigh...

As for the other friends reading this, I miss y'all too and sms me!

Cartoons Confession

I was in luck today - The Incredibles was on the Disney channel!I was watching and grinning foolishly to myself as I watched the Incredible family battle a wannabe with their cool powers and make silly puns at the same time. I think the baby is the coolest. I love how it turns into a scary monster.

I also caught Pokemon at 11am today - a guilty indulgence that my sister hooked me to. When I first watched it, I was all eye-rolling. Nowadays, I have a gleeful sense of irony and nostalgia (most probably for earnest feel of the whole show) when I watch it...I remember one of the lyrics from the opening theme song - it goes "I'm undefeatable!" Yeah! Power of positive thinking anyone?

Then back to Disney channel for Kim Possible, possibly one of my all-time favourite cartoon shows ever. Please don't ever ever ever let it end, Disney channel and I totally approve of how Ron and Kim are together, though maybe kissing was not the way to go as an ending to the episode and more more more of Senior Senior Senior and Junior Senior Senior and Shego! Team Go episode was hilarious - "I have a website and I'm not afraid to use it." I could - and have - watched re-runs and still found them fresh and entertaining.

Also, cheers to Nickelodeon for Danny Phantom. A boy who's half-ghost and half-human, battling ghosts to save the world and his growing pains.

Hurray for Justice League Unlimited, Teen Titans and X-men Evolution from Cartoon Network, though I must confess I prefer the original X-men. Teen Titans are really good, though I think it's sad that they've split up Robin and Batman. I do wish there was a dark Batman cartoon back too. I don't really like Superman, I'm afraid, though the giant blockbuster that screened recently has made me rethink my Superman animosity. Batman is still cooler though.

I thank Arts Central every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday for broadcasting animes. My beloved Shaman King has ended just in time, since I wouldn't be able to watch it at the timeslot it was broadcasted in. Inuyasha is fabulous too, but I can't watch it sadly because I'm usually quite knocked out by 11plus and it just doesn't work for me when I can't see the ending of something!

I realise there's this cable channel called Animax, but I don't know if subscription is in the works for me on this one, so I will be clinging tooth and nail to try and finish the season of Inuyasha that's on now.

Spirited Away should become a classic and I am keeping my fingers crossed for a sequel. Come on, the girl and the dragon spirit have to come together right!

And now having revealed how much I live and enjoy living in a fantasy world filled with primary colours and black outlines, I find myself eternally grateful for how big the internet is.

All jobbed up

Okay, so I've been a bit naughty lately - No not that way, get your mind out of the gutter! I haven't been updating and neither have I been online. Apologies to the concerned folks, but haha, I've been busy because I've finally accepted a position.

It's with a bank in a place far away from my home and I have to wake up sooooo early that I can't be online as much as I'd like - nerd alert! - so I haven't been updating either. And also because I've been quite lazy about updating.

Don't worry, just because I'm now working in a bank, it doesn't mean I'm a banker...exactly. It just means I work in a bank. I have a nice lot of colleagues - all the girls are pretty but none of the guys are hot, though they are very nice. Though why oh why can't any of them be at least a little bit hot?! I'm in training now and there's so much to learn and so little time to do it that sometimes I'm in a bit of a panic as to how to fit it all in. And some parts are so dry that I can't help dozing off. Of course, it doesn't help that I need at least 8hours of sleep, preferably 9 and now I'm getting like only 6 or7.

It's such a change from my job-hunting days when the time was mine to do with as and when I wanted and basically I was lolling about all day and alternately having tons of fun and being bored out of my skull.

It's icy!

Of course, it means that I barely can see my boy now which is not cool but ah well, it can't be helped. Besides we do see each other's face a couple of minutes a day......Sigh.

In other news, I've changed my mobile phone, but not the number. I had to because the screen of my sturdy old phone that served me so well - yes, you do detect a sentimental attachment to that phone - has been spoilt. The screen went all fuzzy and crazy and though I tried to hang on as long as possible, it couldn't be saved.

Now I have another pretty new phone, a slider thingy, all sleek and black and hand-sized and touch-screeny with a camera and antenna-less. It's totally ice! Though I do have to admit, I miss my clunky old phone in some ways.

This is just a quick update fluff piece - I'll post some proper pieces later!

Scariest job interview bit

So everyone knows I'm job-hunting right? And I've been through quite a number of interviews. The following was the scariest bit I've ever been through:

Interviewer: "So let's say you've presented your work and there was a small mistake because everyone makes mistakes sometimes and the person you've presented it to starts shouting at you. How would you handle that?"

Me: "Oh I think in this kind of situation you need to be very calm blah blah blah blah**."

Interviewer: "What if this person is your boss?"

Me: "I would handle it the same way because blah blah blah."

Interviewer: "If it's a very minor mistake, and you think he's over-reacting?"

Me: "Blah blah blah."

Interviewer (nodding): "I see. What if the boss has been holding in his temper all day and he just suddenly exploded even though it's a minor mistake and he screams at you in front of everyone?"

Me: "blah blah blah...and since he's obviously so stressed, I might advise maybe a yoga or kickboxing class."

Interviewer: "Actually he already goes to a yoga class."

Me: "Oh."

**blah blah blah are my answers and actually they're pretty unimportant, so I didn't type them down.
***Oh and since I'm doing that star star star thing, I'd just thought I'd let you all know that I can't remember the exact words of the interview, so this is the gist of what I remember.

Thaaaaat's right folks. Apparently she's drawing all these questions from real-life experiences. I politely declined the job offer.

The incident of the man in the library

So I promised someone to post this and it's probably a good idea cuz this is such a good and weird story but I might forget it, so here it is.

So the sitch was - I'm watching too much Kim Possible! - that I was drifting around the library browsing the shelves while waiting for Principessa Fiora who was late. While I replaced a book that I had flipped through, I suddenly looked across the gap that exists between the tops of books and the tops of bookshelves and met the eyes of a guy.

So this is not so strange you may think but you see, the goosebumps-prickling part of it is that he was smiling at me!

I quickly turned away, sort of shocked but a bit ashamed of myself for being shocked and y'know, generally grumpy and unfriendly. I mean, hey, you accidentally lock eyes with plenty of strangers right? And not everyone is as er...amiable as that guy...

Or so I chided myself, although of course, the unspoken rule is that if you do ever meet the eyes of anyone in the whole wide world, you quickly flick your gaze away, or if it's too late, and you've actually been blatantly staring at someone, just give a small, embarrassed, shy, tentative sort of smile and then quickly flick your gaze away. Nobody gives a wide toothy leery grin. Unless they want to give the goosebumps to the gazed-upon. Like the ones I got - both grin and goosebumps - and trust me, these are not the good, spine-tingling bolts of delight and desire. These are halfway-to-freaking-out goosebumps.

So anyways, I already thought this would be a great story to tell Principessa, when suddenly I felt a soft gentle tap on my shoulder. And lo! beside me stood the guy who grinned. My mind went EEKS! and my heart began thumping, quite irrationally and my goosebumps prickled harder.

As I was wearing the earphones of my mp3 player, I could only see his mouth move. I thought perhaps he had some question to ask of me, directions or something - I know I know, directions in the library! But I was already a bit freaked by the incident above, so wasn't thinking properly...anyways, do you want to hear the rest of the story or not! - so I took out one of the earphones and whispered, "yes?" In answer to that, I could only see his mouth move. I lowered the volume and tried again, "sorry, what is it again?"His mouth moved again.

"Er...I can't hear you." Impatience was starting to ripple through my mind. I mean, hello, this is library time. I wanted to commune with the books and not with a man who didn't know how to use his voice.

A bit of throat-clearing and behold! his voice sounded, raspy as an autumn leaf. "Can we make friends? What's your name? I'm XXX." His name is, of course, not really XXX.

I felt a bit dazed. Astutely I perceived that he did not need directions after all. Embarrassment squirmed through me and I furtively looked around to see if anyone was looking at us. "Er, my name is ShortFormofLongName."

"Are you alone? Where are you headed? Can we exchange phone numbers? Please don't worry, I just want a very platonic friendship and I definitely won't call you if I have your number." He smiled, showing a large number of teeth.

Shock, embarrassment and a general freaking out ensued in my mind, though I politely smiled. I can't be sure if my eyes widened or not, though.

Who on the face of the earth tells people that they just want a very platonic friendship to someone they were trying to pick up?!? It's just plain freaky! Who in the world would not call a chick whose phone number they managed to get?! That just sounds like a total lie! And who the hell picks up chicks in the library?! My place of peace, happiness and joy...sullied! I know, I'm a complete geek AND a nerd.

And where on earth was Principessa Fiora! "Er...er...I'm meeting a friend here, she's a bit late, but she's coming soon...er...sorry but I don't think I can give my number..." I said as apologetically as I could manage, my mind wildly fishing for an excuse, any excuse. "My boyfriend doesn't like me talking to strange men."

"Oh I understand your situation, but we can message each other instead if you exchange numbers!" He said with a triumphant flourish in his whisper.

A what-the-don't-you-get-it expression was trying to roam across my face but I heroically suppressed it. "Er...I still don't think I can give you my number. I don't think it works that way."

He looked startled. "Oh like that also cannot?" Like DUH! He thought for a moment as I searched desperately for a polite way to excuse myself. "How about I give you my number and you can call me sometimes, once in a while, to talk and perhaps we can take coffee?"

"Er...er..." I glanced around again. I felt desperately trapped. "Sure." I took down his number and said, "Er...well, thanks for coming over. Bye." I smiled tentatively and he grinned again and waved goodbye and I slowly backed away into another aisle.

As I was madly messaging Principessa Fiora asking her to hurry up, she appeared, one minute too late.

Of course, later it sounded funny when I was relating the incident to Principessa Fiora and now writing it down, it seems funny but this does make me wonder about a few things:

• Don't guys understand hints anymore? Is it really necessary to bash people over the head with what you mean?
• If you get the phone number of a girl, will you really not call it?
• If yes, then what's the point?
• Why do guys think it's okay to pick up chicks anywhere (when I, as a chick, think that it's okay for guys to try their game only in certain places, one of which is NOT the library)?
• Why did this guy think that my excuse meant we should communicate via SMS or phone conversations instead of face-to-face?
• Why did he insist on my taking his number when the chances of my calling him are practically zero and the chances of my deleting it are practically one-hundred percent?
• Is he brave or just weird?

See, the thing is, life keeps giving you problems to solve and fables to connect, but I don't know the moral of this one.

Inertia

Newton is a great physicist and yes, I know I used present tense when I should have used past tense since he's dead and all but I used present tense because I don't think that his death invalidates his magnificence. I mean, come on!That guy inferred the existence of gravity from an APPLE.

Uh-hem. As I was saying, Newton is a great physicist and his First Law proves his greatness because this law is universally applicable. Even to people. Especially to me.

Newton's First Law states that an object at rest will always remain at rest and an object in motion will always travel in the same direction and speed so long as it is not disturbed by any other object or force in its direction. Um, it's not very scientific, but the sense of it is there.

I now declare that I am in a state of inertia. Frightening state of inertia, I might add. I have barely done anything about the things I should be doing.

In any 12-step programme about addiction, confession and knowing you have a problem is no. 1. Now...if only I could move on to step no. 2. Which would probably consist of me slapping myself silly so that the pain would distract from my fear of failure and rejection. Hey look! Pop psychobabble! I'm so good at that, it's astonishing.

Is it fate?

In Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart famously said "Of all the bars in the world, she has to walk into mine" or something like that anyways.

I met this girl today - she's like 30plus, but she looks so young that I can't help but think of her as a girl - and she mentioned that her new boyfriend of a few months is a Brit who lives in Finland and who comes to Singapore every few months to give guitar lessons to some rich brat.

If she had been too busy to go to the concert where she met him, if in that split second where she decided to do something else besides go to that concert, their paths would not have converged...or perhaps they might have missed a few years of happiness before their lives and loves touched.

It got me thinking about my own boy. I met him at work, and I really really disliked him at first because I thought he was arrogant and I heard - but apparently there was a serious miscommunication by kaypohs - that he said I was F-A-T. So hair-pullingly insulting!

Anyways, there was this whole series of comic events fit for a sitcom and we finally got together after he completely and utterly swept me off my feet... Both figuratively and literally. And we might have never gotten together if I had decided to take up another job offer when I was still on probation with that job. And if I hadn't decided, at that point in time, to be more adventurous, date-wise.

And he might never have met me if he hadn't come to Singapore for a one-month holiday and decided to stay to set up a business with a friend. And if he hadn't fallen out with his friend and struck out on his own to find a job. And if he hadn't finally broke up with his girlfriend whom he had tried to break up with 3 or 4 times before.

So many ifs that finally led to us discovering each other. Sometimes, you find the right person, right feel but it's the wrong time. Oftentime, it's the right time, but wrong person. It really really hurts when the conditions or the person is wrong.

But on occasion...just on a few precious precious occasions, it's the right time and the right person.

I met someone who told me when I speak of my boy, my eyes and face light up and glow. I hadn't realised that and I'm so glad that I met someone who gives me that and I hope I give him that.

I also hope that someone whom I absolutely adore and who will be reading this will find the person who gives her a glowy lighting up feeling and forget the one who pulls her down into a muddy spiral of depression. Huggles to you, principessa fiora.

PostSecret

I really like the PostSecret concept and its blog - postsecret.blogspot.com. I'm quite a voyeur, and this is like peeking into people's secret lives but with permission. And when I read some of these secrets written on the creative postcards that are sent in, it engages my imagination immediately.

Some of them are quite eye-widening, and some a bit horrifying and some totally sweet and a few are inspiring. All are jaw-dropping. Entire life stories can sometimes be seen in that brief glimpse.

My favourite this week is the one right on top, about the unshaven man. There are others undoubtedly more poignant and some rather more gritty, but this one brings a movie into my head, and a wide smile on my face. Maybe soon I will post the stories strolling around my brain.

Is it always darkest before dawn?

What if dawn never comes and it is darkest all the way?

Life is really quite a discouraging endeavour and to people who can remain cheerful and optimistic all the time, I say good for you while wondering if you're real.

Me, I get the grumps and the doldrums and the difference between the two is a big toothy snarl and acid words. Trust me when I say PMS has nothing on this.

Lately I think life has been more discouraging than usual and if not for a few very very special people, one of whom will be reading this, I would probably be sunk into a spiralling black hole of depression. So thank you very much for just being you and being there.

If the title of this blog is true, I guess my dawn must be coming quite soon. There are a few prospects on the horizon, but I'm quite resigned at this point to the necessity of swallowing my pride and doing something I'd really rather not be doing, as I seriously doubt that the prospects will solidify and materialise quite soon.

Cross your fingers for me, everyone.

Scent photograph

Sometimes when I wash a bowl which I have used for steaming white rice, a scent will lazily waft up. Not a pungent smell, nor rich. A gentle smell, simple and soft.

It reminds me of my grandfather: a tall thin man who ate less and less as the cancer ate more and more of him. White rice was important to every single meal and sometimes when I was small and stayed over with them, rice was even part of breakfast.

It reminds me of my grandmother: a short round woman, who cooks amazing meals. Delicious meats and vegetables, stewed, stir-fried, deepfried, steamed, braised, rich with sauces and gravies; steaming pots of soup, crammed with ingredients, intense flavours and magnificently aromatic but in the way of Chinese soups, light and liquid. 73 and still going strong! Go popo!

It makes me think of my daddy, who never feels full without rice in the meal. Rice is not the foil to this man - it's ESSENTIAL.

It makes me think of a time when I was small and very skinny (SIGH), all arms and legs and mouth and stomach.

It makes me think of Chinese New Year Eve and its requisite reunion dinner: never complete with rice, and with plenty of food to liven up the meal. Spicy soya sauce prawns, batter-fried prawns, giant steamed fresh fish, stewed pork with mushrooms, meatballs in peppery soup, literally a giant platter of stirfried vegetables and also a huge dish of fried vegetable, omelette strips and fishcake beehoon.

Oooww!I want Chinese New Year to come now!In the meantime, white rice with a sunny-side-up egg dripped with dark soya sauce will do. Egg-yolk oozy please!Mmmm....

First

This is my first time blogging on this brand new baby blog of mine. And it reminds me of all the firsts I've ever had...

My first blog - which was not regularly updated. Sad but true and will now be discontinued because I don't want certain people to be reading it.

My first kiss ever - a sweet maddening gentle swirl of sensation fumes in my brain. To this day, I can remember exactly how it felt, how we smelt, how we touched. He is now not in my life, for reasons I shall keep to myself as it's a long story but for some reason, the memory of this kiss is untainted.

My first memory of primary school - a crazy kaleidoscope of people. I still remember how my mother brought me to school late and we sat down at the end of a big open hall, with slate-gray tiles.

My first time getting lost - I was in school for a dance class, but it had been canceled and I didn't know. I decided I would go home by myself. I was 6 or 7. This was also the first time I received the kindness of a stranger.

The first maid we ever had - a sweet thin competent Filipino lady named Elsa. She was around more than my mother and she cooked fantastic fried chicken wings.

The first book I can remember ever having bought for myself with my own pocket money - Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery. I still have that book. I still love it.

I can remember many many more, but then, I'm feeling rather sentimental tonight. So I will now bid a goodnight and go to kiss the bonny boy I love.