True stories

Well, to paraphrase princess flowerbloom, I have returned from my blogging hiatus. Well, not that I am a super blogger, but nonetheless, I know there are folks who do read this for which I thank you.

Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, I have plenty of stuff to tell you though naturally everything remains anonymous. I promise that everything I say today is totally true, even if it may seem irreverent and perhaps a tad obnoxious at times. This assertion may seem strange, but wait til you read the post.

Let me begin by informing everyone that my contract job with the bank has finally concluded, for which I am devoutly thankful. If I had not believed in gods and goddesses, I will probably believe after this. Suffice it to say that I doubt I will ever ever work in a bank again. Never ever.

However, this stint has opened my eyes with regards of the stupidity of people in general. Even rich people. Perhaps especially rich people. Maybe it's something about having a mountain of money to toss around that makes rich people arrogant and blind enough to think that as long as they offer enough cash, things can always be done their way, rules, regulations, local and international laws be damned. No offense to the humble, unpretentious, passionate, nice, understanding, lawful, honest rich people out there - which may not be many, but there has to be at least one right? I know I know, I'm such an optimist. You can't find those qualities even in poor people.

For example, one of the services many banks have to offer is internet banking and customers often have trouble with it, especially when they try to make interbank transfers (which is basically transferring your money from one bank to another bank). Now if you are doing an interbank transfer online, and you are having trouble, it makes sense to call someone at the bank to help you.

However, for the love of all that is good and delicious and beautiful, please note that you have to call the bank who owns the website that you are trying to do the transfer from and NOT the receipient bank.

In other words, if you are trying to transfer money from Bank X to Bank Y, you would use Bank X's website. If you are having trouble using Bank X's website, CALL BANK X. Do not call Bank Y. Bank Y is only going to receive the money when Bank X transfers the money and will NOT be able to tell you if your Bank X account number is correct or what mistake you have done on Bank X's website if the transfer is unsuccessful or what the correct procedure should be on Bank X's website or what the additional security password is. The reason for this is very simple: you are using BANK X's website. Not Bank Y. Therefore, CALL BANK X.

Also you may want to take note that BANK Y WILL NOT KNOW YOUR BANK X ACCOUNT NUMBER, even if you are transferring money from Bank X to Bank Y for the very simple and obvious reason that this account number is known ONLY TO YOU AND BANK X, even though Bank Y is receiving the money. You see, Bank Y only receives the money. Bank Y will put it into your Bank Y account. Bank Y does not check to see where the money comes from. Bank Y receives instruction, checks which Bank Y account number and name it should go to, and takes the money on YOUR behalf.

Yes, I do appear to be pointing out the obvious which anyone with half a brain should be able to figure out but strangely enough, we get this kind of enquiries everyday. That's right laddies and lassies, we get asked this kind of questions every single day.

Second example, if the bank has made an error with your instruction, which should not happen at all, seeing as how a financial institution should be more careful blah blah blah, but which can happen and often does happen especially in certain banks - human error and all that - please do not yell and rail crazily at the poor people you call or walk up to in the bank outlet, because THEY ARE TRYING THEIR BEST TO HELP.

Contrary to popular belief, service personnel at banks do not keep you waiting because they are bitches who enjoy making their customers angry or because they think they can do anything they want since they are holding your money and therefore have you by your short-&-curly hairs -- well, most of them aren't at any rate.They keep you waiting because they have to try to contact the correct department who may have handled your instruction, they are asking what happened, they themselves are WAITING FOR ANSWERS too.

Therefore, screaming vulgar language and nasty names at them as they are trying to get answers does not help. It only exhausts, upsets and annoys them and furthermore, the time taken to pacify you could have been used to find out what went wrong and what they can do to change the sitch.

The best way to find out what went wrong is to have all your information at your fingertips. Have a succint version of what happened, your personal details, have your account numbers, have your dates, have the names of who you spoke to and their departments, have the amount that was indicated in your instruction etc etc. In other words, have all you need ready so that the person can help you in the fastest way possible.

If you are upset and angry, you should express that and if you need to raise your volume or want to speak to a manager, so be it. Frontline personnel understand that they may from time to time need to be polite to utter and complete assholes, but they are not the ones who made the mistake and they should not be stomped on like the ugly vicious bug that used its needle mouth to pierce your skin and suck your blood. Save your wrath for the person who made the mistake or who is trying to cover up for the person who made that mistake or who is trying to twist words into such a manner that it seems like it is your fault for a mistake that the bank made.

By the way, if you're calling the bank's hotline, the bank personnel who picks up your call HAS to verify your identity with an indeterminate number of questions. Otherwise they are NOT allowed to answer any question at all with regards to your account, even if it's only to ask whose name the account is in or the account number or the outstanding balance of the credit card or what kind of account it is or even which branch it was opened in. In other words, if you can't identify yourself as the owner of the account, shut up and hang up. You have no business asking about someone else's account unless you're a bloody criminal, in which case, your career path sucks.

By the way, this applies even if you're the wife/husband/father/mother/tranvestite lover/adopted African child of the account holder. The bank does not care and will not give information to anyone who is not the account holder or authorised by the account holder via written instructions (in which identification details about the authorised person was given) to handle account information and transactions.And if you want to give shit about it, just think to yourself what might happen if they just freely give confidential account information to everyone who called in claiming to be the wife/husband/father/mother/tranvestite lover/adopted African baby of the account holder. Yeah, I thought that was a good point too.

Different banks have different policies as to the type and number of questions, so shut up about your free-and-easy experience with so-&-so bank because they already know that and stop whining about how the last time you called in just yesterday, you did not have to answer this type or this many questions because they also already know that you're lying your mouth bloody. And once again, if you wanna flay the bank officer because they're doing their job and PROTECTING YOUR MONEY by asking identification questions, I say shut up and stop wasting their time and your time because it's the law and also because it's the bank's policy and they could get fired for not asking the damn questions and so they will keep asking the damn questions.

All this may sound like I am on the bank's side. Certainly after working there, I can understand the venom people want to spew at banks. I am on the side of the people who work there and are paid too little to take the shit that people pour on them because of their bitter hatred for the bank or their self-loathing at their own sloppy mistakes with their finances.

For example, there once was a person who called in saying that he had received bank statements for some money that he had to pay. After checks, it was found that he owed a small amount of money that he was supposed to pay in small fixed monthly instalments. He had NO IDEA AT ALL that he owed this bank this amount of money and in fact, expressed utter shock and horror that he owed any money at all and that he felt that the small sum owed was actually a large sum for him.

When questioned further, it was discovered that this person's secretary had handled all his personal finances and now that the secretary had gotten married and decided to quit her job to enjoy her new life - or her new husband hehehe - this person was at a complete loss as to the state of his finances. When he asked if he could pay everything back at one shot, the terms of the loan stated that if he did that, he would have to pay all the interest he would have paid over the tenure of the loan AND a penalty.

Laddies and lassies, I'm quite quite sure that I do not need to bash you over the head with the moral of this story.