In it deep

I like being alone at home. It is very peaceful and you feel safe and secure as you never feel, when with anyone else, even if it is your significant other. Night-time alone at home is even better.

There is an exquisite irony in this: as your guard is lowest when you’re alone, the bad things always come to attack your mind.

Have you ever had something you believed that you excelled in, something that has always been one in which you could triumph, where effort has always been amply rewarded? I do.

Now I have doubt, not because of something that happened, but because of something that has not yet happened. It is always the waiting that is so abrasive. Rejection is hard, but there is something that you can do to help yourself through it and there are always other things to turn to.

Waiting, not knowing – these are the cracks through which doubt slips into, the soil in which it thrives and blooms into vile imaginings that poison your confidence and sense of self.

Doubt can be friend or foe, and sometimes both, but now, right now, it is Enemy. Even though I should and do know better than to let doubt take me.

Nutella

I like Nutella and I think probably everyone in all of Singapore knows what Nutella is and if you don't, shame on you. Go find out. It's delicious.

When I first met my boy, and we first went grocery shopping together, he suddenly pounced on a jar of Nutella. He was sooooooo surprised we had it in Singapore - he said this was his favourite and everyone in Italy loves it and he had never before seen it in Singapore. So of course we had to buy it since we both like it.

Only...my boy doesn't like it. He adores it. He loves it. He is a Nutella monster.

You know those enormous jars in the supermarket? They have the big, medium and small jars and the big jars look like they should last a year for a family of four. The jar is bigger than my hand. In fact, the jar's screw lid is as big as the saucer of an espresso cup, which should give you an idea of how big it is.

Ours finished in something like 3 weeks because my boy eats it plain. With a spoon. Straight out of the jar. He eats it on bread too, and on biscuits, and mixed with milk. In other words, he eats it with everything. Until he gets a stomachache. Silly boy.

As soon as that first jar was finished, we headed back to the supermarket. Even today, now that his mad craving has been satiated, it's still the one thing he can't resist buying. Every single time we're at the supermarket. Watch out, makers of Nutella, for you are in big trouble folks. Demand will outstrip supply solely because of this man.

One fine day, he asked me, in his inimitable thickly-accented way, "Baby, make for me the beeeesssst Nutella with bread." He had just come back for his break from work - he works a split shift - and he was very tired, so I agreed and trotted off to the kitchen.

However, when I took the bread out from the fridge, I realised that it was...not fresh to say the least. He eats white bread while I eat brown bread. He eats mostly in the restaurant where he works, not at home. So his bread supply was rather stale, whereas mine is constantly resupplied.

I felt bad for my poor baby, who worked so hard and asked only for bread with Nutella - well, not just bread with Nutella, but you get the drift! So I took out a small pan, heated it on the stove, and did a quick heat-up and crisped the bread faintly brown on both sides. Then I put Nutella on the bread while it was still hot and gave the toast to him.

He asked for some more, after he finished the first two slices. And another two slices. Then he asked for the same the next day. And the day after that. Until the whole bag was finished.

Now whenever he asks for bread with Nutella, I have to toast the damn bread. I knew I shouldn't have done it the first time.

Sidenote: I really like it with creamy peanut butter too. Just think of it: warm toast, just lightly scorched so that it's still soft and steamy inside but crispy on the outside, dripping with Nutella and creamy peanut butter, warmed faintly and melded together by the heat of the bread.

As you bite into it the first time, the gentle fragrance and the crisp crunch of the toast, the smooth sticky mix of Nutella and peanut butter, all chocolatey, nutty, milky goodness, fill your mouth and nose and throat. Oh the tender sensuous delight!

fear or anticipation?

Sometimes I think life is quite strange. Princess flowerbloom is waiting and waiting for a certain event to happen, but she's scared to death of it happening. I told her it was just anticipation but she insists that it's fear.

It's quite mad but I can recognise this weird thing in myself too. I want something to happen and am waiting tensely, quite on edge, for it to happen. As it approaches, I want it more and more; then suddenly fear creeps insidiously into my anticipation. I don't know why this happens and sometimes it adds to the joy of finally getting it, and at other times, sours that moment.

Does anyone else ever ever feel this way too? As isky would say, psychoanalyse this!

The godly woman

So, when I was with the bank, I had my share of strange calls, but I think this one was the strangest.

A woman called in to ask if her husband, who was now in New York, could open an ordinary savings account with the Singapore branch of the bank. I said sure, but he would need to go down to a branch as we would need to photocopy his identification documents and his signature.

This lady then informed me that her husband would not be in Singapore for a while. So I asked if her husband was a Singaporean, and she said yes, so I advised her of this one type of savings account the bank had which could be applied for via a mailed in application or through the internet. However, this account would not have the usual passbook and atm card things.

This lady was quite excited at first, but then she became disappointed because she said her husband needed the passbook and atm card things. I regretfully informed her that in such a case, her husband would need to go down to a bank branch. She asked if she could do it on behalf of her husband and I said that that was against regulations and we would need the potential account holder to go down personally.

So the lady sighed and asked if I was sure and I said yes, I was very sure, and she began telling me of her family problems for some reason. Apparently, her husband owes the bank some money, and so he didn't dare to come back to Singapore. It was a large sum of money - no I won't tell you exactly how much but it's definitely 7 figures! - and it was not money that he personally owed to the bank but he had been the guarantor for his brother's business which collapsed and now the brother had run away, leaving her husband to shoulder the loan by himself and her husband just couldn't because her husband's business had also collapsed and now what were they to do?

I could only make sympathetic noises. I mean, under the circumstances, what could I possibly say??

And she continued saying that she had actually sold her house to help her brother-in-law and had given him all the proceeds from the sale of the house and asked him to pay off his loan BUT her brother-in-law had taken all the money and run!

I made a shocked noise and decided to listen as I reckoned she just needed a sympathetic ear for a bit, and she would later hang up. I continued squirming though, because...wasn't this kinda...personal and private? It was one of the most uncomfortable, made-me-feel-like-shit-about-my-job calls I've ever had.

The lady then continued speaking: now her husband owed the bank so much money and had no choice but to run away and he was so scared to come back and that's why he needed a bank account with an atm card so that he could draw money out to use while overseas and the bank was so heartless because even though they couldn't find her husband, they were still charging interest every single day and they didn't have any heart at all, some more interest was so high they were like loan sharks but worse and she then demanded why why why the Government - when she said government, I really saw it like that with a capital G and by the way, she really speaks without stop that's why there's no punctuation! - didn't catch the bankers because the bankers were such bad people and that GOD - with trumpets and loud drums- would take care of them and that she was going to talk to GOD about it.

I then gulped and said um, well, I'm sure but you know madam if you just um, could persuade your husband to come back, I'm sure he and the bank can work things out in a way that could help both your husband and the bank.....

The lady jumped in again with a no use lah, the bankers are all so heartless, even though they earn so much money and she was sure they would get retribution and she said that maybe she should talk to Lee Kuan Yew to do something about it and then she seemed to think better of that and said no she thinks even Lee Kuan Yew can't do anything and that it would be better to talk to God and she then kindly said that she wasn't talking about poor folks like us who only earn so little but still have to do the bankers' dirty work. She was talking about the evil people who earned so much and still wanted to bully the common folks who were just trying to eke out a living and she just knew that God would punish them, she was going to talk to God and leave everything to him.

By this time I was of course gaping like a fish and could already repeat my line about please persuade your husband to come back and work things out instead of running away. The lady was of course, off and running like a train and had no ear for my words anymore, which I have to admit were pretty weak against her hard-luck story. To tell the truth, I thought this kind of things only happen in movies, and television shows...

I quickly pressed the mute button and was frantically gesturing to my manager because obviously the conversation was already beyond my control. My manager made a one-minute-please gesture to me, and I was like come-over-right-now-please-oh-please look to her, so she leisurely sauntered over and I began telling her that there was this woman ranting on the phone and I had tried my best but I didn't know how on earth I could control the situation anymore.

In the meanwhile, the woman was growing more agitated and suddenly she said thank you so much ah miss for listening to me but now I must go and talk to God, but thank you so much and then HUNG UP.

And I was left listening to a dial tone. My manager could only laugh after I told her what happened.

True stories

Well, to paraphrase princess flowerbloom, I have returned from my blogging hiatus. Well, not that I am a super blogger, but nonetheless, I know there are folks who do read this for which I thank you.

Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, I have plenty of stuff to tell you though naturally everything remains anonymous. I promise that everything I say today is totally true, even if it may seem irreverent and perhaps a tad obnoxious at times. This assertion may seem strange, but wait til you read the post.

Let me begin by informing everyone that my contract job with the bank has finally concluded, for which I am devoutly thankful. If I had not believed in gods and goddesses, I will probably believe after this. Suffice it to say that I doubt I will ever ever work in a bank again. Never ever.

However, this stint has opened my eyes with regards of the stupidity of people in general. Even rich people. Perhaps especially rich people. Maybe it's something about having a mountain of money to toss around that makes rich people arrogant and blind enough to think that as long as they offer enough cash, things can always be done their way, rules, regulations, local and international laws be damned. No offense to the humble, unpretentious, passionate, nice, understanding, lawful, honest rich people out there - which may not be many, but there has to be at least one right? I know I know, I'm such an optimist. You can't find those qualities even in poor people.

For example, one of the services many banks have to offer is internet banking and customers often have trouble with it, especially when they try to make interbank transfers (which is basically transferring your money from one bank to another bank). Now if you are doing an interbank transfer online, and you are having trouble, it makes sense to call someone at the bank to help you.

However, for the love of all that is good and delicious and beautiful, please note that you have to call the bank who owns the website that you are trying to do the transfer from and NOT the receipient bank.

In other words, if you are trying to transfer money from Bank X to Bank Y, you would use Bank X's website. If you are having trouble using Bank X's website, CALL BANK X. Do not call Bank Y. Bank Y is only going to receive the money when Bank X transfers the money and will NOT be able to tell you if your Bank X account number is correct or what mistake you have done on Bank X's website if the transfer is unsuccessful or what the correct procedure should be on Bank X's website or what the additional security password is. The reason for this is very simple: you are using BANK X's website. Not Bank Y. Therefore, CALL BANK X.

Also you may want to take note that BANK Y WILL NOT KNOW YOUR BANK X ACCOUNT NUMBER, even if you are transferring money from Bank X to Bank Y for the very simple and obvious reason that this account number is known ONLY TO YOU AND BANK X, even though Bank Y is receiving the money. You see, Bank Y only receives the money. Bank Y will put it into your Bank Y account. Bank Y does not check to see where the money comes from. Bank Y receives instruction, checks which Bank Y account number and name it should go to, and takes the money on YOUR behalf.

Yes, I do appear to be pointing out the obvious which anyone with half a brain should be able to figure out but strangely enough, we get this kind of enquiries everyday. That's right laddies and lassies, we get asked this kind of questions every single day.

Second example, if the bank has made an error with your instruction, which should not happen at all, seeing as how a financial institution should be more careful blah blah blah, but which can happen and often does happen especially in certain banks - human error and all that - please do not yell and rail crazily at the poor people you call or walk up to in the bank outlet, because THEY ARE TRYING THEIR BEST TO HELP.

Contrary to popular belief, service personnel at banks do not keep you waiting because they are bitches who enjoy making their customers angry or because they think they can do anything they want since they are holding your money and therefore have you by your short-&-curly hairs -- well, most of them aren't at any rate.They keep you waiting because they have to try to contact the correct department who may have handled your instruction, they are asking what happened, they themselves are WAITING FOR ANSWERS too.

Therefore, screaming vulgar language and nasty names at them as they are trying to get answers does not help. It only exhausts, upsets and annoys them and furthermore, the time taken to pacify you could have been used to find out what went wrong and what they can do to change the sitch.

The best way to find out what went wrong is to have all your information at your fingertips. Have a succint version of what happened, your personal details, have your account numbers, have your dates, have the names of who you spoke to and their departments, have the amount that was indicated in your instruction etc etc. In other words, have all you need ready so that the person can help you in the fastest way possible.

If you are upset and angry, you should express that and if you need to raise your volume or want to speak to a manager, so be it. Frontline personnel understand that they may from time to time need to be polite to utter and complete assholes, but they are not the ones who made the mistake and they should not be stomped on like the ugly vicious bug that used its needle mouth to pierce your skin and suck your blood. Save your wrath for the person who made the mistake or who is trying to cover up for the person who made that mistake or who is trying to twist words into such a manner that it seems like it is your fault for a mistake that the bank made.

By the way, if you're calling the bank's hotline, the bank personnel who picks up your call HAS to verify your identity with an indeterminate number of questions. Otherwise they are NOT allowed to answer any question at all with regards to your account, even if it's only to ask whose name the account is in or the account number or the outstanding balance of the credit card or what kind of account it is or even which branch it was opened in. In other words, if you can't identify yourself as the owner of the account, shut up and hang up. You have no business asking about someone else's account unless you're a bloody criminal, in which case, your career path sucks.

By the way, this applies even if you're the wife/husband/father/mother/tranvestite lover/adopted African child of the account holder. The bank does not care and will not give information to anyone who is not the account holder or authorised by the account holder via written instructions (in which identification details about the authorised person was given) to handle account information and transactions.And if you want to give shit about it, just think to yourself what might happen if they just freely give confidential account information to everyone who called in claiming to be the wife/husband/father/mother/tranvestite lover/adopted African baby of the account holder. Yeah, I thought that was a good point too.

Different banks have different policies as to the type and number of questions, so shut up about your free-and-easy experience with so-&-so bank because they already know that and stop whining about how the last time you called in just yesterday, you did not have to answer this type or this many questions because they also already know that you're lying your mouth bloody. And once again, if you wanna flay the bank officer because they're doing their job and PROTECTING YOUR MONEY by asking identification questions, I say shut up and stop wasting their time and your time because it's the law and also because it's the bank's policy and they could get fired for not asking the damn questions and so they will keep asking the damn questions.

All this may sound like I am on the bank's side. Certainly after working there, I can understand the venom people want to spew at banks. I am on the side of the people who work there and are paid too little to take the shit that people pour on them because of their bitter hatred for the bank or their self-loathing at their own sloppy mistakes with their finances.

For example, there once was a person who called in saying that he had received bank statements for some money that he had to pay. After checks, it was found that he owed a small amount of money that he was supposed to pay in small fixed monthly instalments. He had NO IDEA AT ALL that he owed this bank this amount of money and in fact, expressed utter shock and horror that he owed any money at all and that he felt that the small sum owed was actually a large sum for him.

When questioned further, it was discovered that this person's secretary had handled all his personal finances and now that the secretary had gotten married and decided to quit her job to enjoy her new life - or her new husband hehehe - this person was at a complete loss as to the state of his finances. When he asked if he could pay everything back at one shot, the terms of the loan stated that if he did that, he would have to pay all the interest he would have paid over the tenure of the loan AND a penalty.

Laddies and lassies, I'm quite quite sure that I do not need to bash you over the head with the moral of this story.